It’s a brand-new series of YourDailyJay something I have been wanting to do. I took inspiration from one of my favourites all time bloggers theperrybook even though the series name is the same I have to give credit to her for it. I tried to think of something else to call this series but RAW was the only way I was able to think of.
This will be my space to vent and show my honest, raw, vulnerable side of me and this journey and yes, I know some may think I am speaking about them but honestly, I have to let it out or ill get all up in my head.
This is me in August 2017, its not the most flattering photo of myself but looking at that girl I know how much pain she was in. I never have or never will categorize myself as “obese” or “fat” to be honest I was unhealthy in all ways mentally, emotionally and physically. I knew what that girl was going through.
I have never said that I have the easiest journeys. I don’t nobody does but what I feel I have is the best journey for myself.
I have mentioned this before in the beginning I never knew why, what I was on the journey I just knew I had to start because the doctor said I must.
and has been my biggest mistake doing for someone else.
I thought 2019 would have been so much easier I thought that me sitting down on New Years Eve writing all my goals, my road map for the year would make things a lot easier but it hasn’t I didn’t bounce back like i thought I would. I mentally and emotionally gave up because I focused on trying to do for the rest of the world but not focused on the true meaning of this journey. There are moments that I think to myself I dont know why I am putting myself through this torture when I am not getting results. but then I look at myself in 2017 when I was “trying to lose weight” and I was more unhappy then as I am now.
Ever since I decided to change my lifestyle I lost so many people in my life, my friends, I lost time for my family because I was determined to get my act together but the funny thing is family is always there for you like this weekend I havent seen some of my family members since last Christmas and being around them was like I have been in there space where trying to reconnect with friends are like pulling teeth because you guys are not on the same level as I am.
A couple of weeks ago I thought everything was right in my world. I was prepping for the new eating plan, I drew up my new workout plan and I spent my last day of doing whatever I wanted to do with my parents, brother and his gf.
I thought I found someone to share my life with and was truly excited for where that will go I was on a extreme high with my life and just everything was bright.
Yup so bright that few weeks after that I crashed and burnt and just lost control of this happy train. Every single thing fall apart and there I was trying to pick myself back up, pretending to have my shit together and faking my smile because I didn’t want the world to know I was going through the most.
Last week I started my eating plan with RushTush which I had me so excited and yes like usual I lost some weight and got my groove back with life.
However matters of the heart fell apart and I went the longest period of time ever with no exercise.
Everyday I look around at the people in my life and wonder if this life is everything I have always wanted the answer is no. Since 2015 I have been in survival with my friends, career and life in general. i dont know where is going but this is something that i have learnt
People tell me all the time that they support my journey, they there for me but honestly i dont believe it. I have invited certain people in my life to help me on this journey and sometimes it can be hard and you want to involve people in it but you cannot.
I have learnt this and the hard way. What people say is completely different to how they act. At the end of the day this journey is about myself, my journey and how I react to the energies.
I know people say its easier if you do it in a group or you feel like you are accountable to someone. Yes, that is true however it should not be the driving force. You need to be accountable to yourself because at the end of the day the sad truth is the only person who is truly in your corner is yourself.
until we meet again