You may have noticed since mid-April, I went on a sudden social media code of silence and it was by choice. During this time in lockdown I must admit social media became the place I used to feel connected to people other than my usual family.
Work was hectic at the time and things were not going according to my plan however it took one moment of misjudgment I posted a tweet that I shouldn’t have and had to deal with the consequence and ever since that moment I began to look at social media as the “enemy” . My persona on social media like Twitter I hated.
I became obsessed with the number of likes, retweets and if my tweets got enough attention truth is it didn’t. it got me in a position that I became a troll and forgetting that screenshots are a thing and what you put out there will bite you in some way.
Social media made me nervous, I became frighten to post pictures, write something that meant something to me without it being read in a negative way.
I have been on social media for year and sharing the most vulnerable journey of my life for past 3 years and the increase of followers on all platforms I have to admit I became a cocky and someone(a bully) I have tried so hard never to become because I know how it feels when you have been a victim of bullying.
Its not something out of the ordinary but the mental state of so many people has come into question and almost everyone is suffering from some form of a bad mental state. In the recent weeks my mental state has been at a very scary point, not waking happy, feeling so lonely that I hated being around myself (as weird as this might sound it can happen) and crying to the point my heart breaks.
I took a day to evaluate my life and think what I hate most about myself. The list was long but the common item had to do with social media in some way.
And the list goes on…
I felt as if I couldn’t trust myself on social media so I decided that until I am comfortable to be on social media I would go silent. as the days went by I got used to “losing” followers and accepted it. I posted quotes here and there but my voice was silent. I posted things that I related to and felt I needed to share not the thoughts floating around my mind.
I took a day to reevaluate the social media platforms its self. I made the decision to deactivate my twitter the place that can be informative but it came so very toxic for me and I have officially ended my relationship with that toxicity.
The twitter “break up” has been so good, refreshing and yes I miss being able to read other peoples tweets but its proven to me how bad it was or should I say how addicted I was.
During this time I found my passion for yourdailyjay again, I somehow found my passion to bring back the “SOCIAL MEDIA JANINE” that has gone missing and create content that I know I will be proud of no matter the possibility how many times it will be recorded, shared, screenshots and sent to people to “mock” it’s the true version of myself and that is all I can strive for.
There is nothing really changing for yourdailyjay but hell I announced so many amazing things a newsletter, plant based lifestyle, weight loss 90 day challenge but how have I chosen to spend my days? In bed, re watching gossip girl and not putting plans into place.
My goals are still the same and I will be failing for the next 3 months with probably “wannabe” content but I can only use as motivation to be better.
I am grateful for the twitter blunder and consequences there of because it has shown me the version of myself I hate and I will never want to go back to that place.
Trying to find yourself during such a time is trying, hard and difficult but I owe so much to the lessons of lockdown because I honestly feel like a caterpillar turning to something that has greater and pure power.
I am working so hard on new blog posts, hopefully to get around to taking more photos for social media that I am proud of.
This thing called life is unpredictable but its the best thing that has so many chapters and every chapter has the possibility to be better than before.